Rockabilly, it is more than music. It is a way of life. When I wake up in the morning via rooster. I go to the kitchen. Not having to put on clothes because I put on my cuffed jeans on before going to bed. I then eat a bowl of Rockabilly Os.
Afterwards I wonder how did Rockabilly come to be. Sadly no books have been written. And we all know that the CMT show Sun Records is a work of fiction. I’m not even sure Elvis is even in that show. I believe there are a couple of wizards in it and it stars Matt Smith from Doctor Who.
But I believe I figured it all out. Because nothing screams 1950s rockabilly….like Social Distortion. Much like the Clash, they were sitting around in a room putting on eye liner when a light lit up over Mike Ness’ head. It was at that moment he turned to his band mates and screamed “YOOHOO I DECLARE ROCKABILLY A THINGY!”. After the rest of the band spent the next 20 minutes trying to undo his permanent duck lips, he proceeded to hunt down his best friend: Doctor Emmett Brown.
“Great Scott” said the Doc. To the tune of Huey Lewis and the News’ “Power of Love” the started work on a time machine. Within a day the Delorean had been built. And Mike Ness had finally removed his liquid eye liner. He also painted flames on the vehicle so they could blend in with everyone in the year 50s.
While in 1954 Memphis, Mike was flabbergasted at the sight of stand up basses which he kept referring to as cellos. He impregnated multiple women before yelling at Carl Perkins that he too needed to have duck lips and cuffs in his jeans all the way up to his knees. After burning down a building for not selling Layrite during this particular time period. They traveled back home to their original time knowing that they invented Viva and possibly the comedian Carrot Top.
Mike Ness stood proud on top of a stack of milk crates and yelled “THERE I HAS DONE IT! I MAKEY ROCKABILLY MUSIC! NOW BECAUSE OF ME HAIR EVERYONE KNOWS I INVENTED THE ROCKABILLY MUSIC! PEOPLE WHO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MUSIC WILL SAY I’M LIKE ELVIS, CARL PERKINS, AND JERRY LEE LEWIS!! OI OI OI!”
He then put on his silk robe. Climbed the ladder down to his underground basement home. Was tucked into bed by his android butler named Skittles. Turned to Skittles and said “Best April Fools post ever?”. And Skittles replied “No Mike…….no”.
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Please keep talking about your car!